- parents: honey, it's time for the sex talk
- me: what do you wanna know
Well I haven’t been posting on here much but I just wanted to update my followers on my life. I’m sure not many will see this and I’m okay with that. I’ve been redirecting my energies to healthier things, physical and mental. My first order of business is my cessation of nicotine. For about a year, I have been religiously puffing from my e-cigarette as a substitute for regular cigarettes. I knew I would eventually quit them but I could never imagine myself without it. From time to time, I would leave my e-cig at home while I went out and enjoyed the day. I wasn’t going mad thankfully, but I was definitely more than relieved to see my vapor pen upon returning home.
So once again I’ve had a very long summer — a lot of time to myself. It was nice getting to unplug from everything after my 6 month journey interning at Disney. Despite everything I did day-to-day, I felt like no matter what, I had to have my e-cig with me no matter where I went or what I was doing. Last week, my dad and I went on an outer-island trip to Maui, and before heading there I told myself that I wouldn’t bring it with me. I left my vapor pen in my drawer at home. Just once I wanted to have a memory of a new place where I didn’t need my nicotine addiction to be a part. So I did it, and I’ve maintained the cessation since returning to Oahu.
I did have an actual cigarette a few days ago when I was spending time with friends. Guilt settled on me quickly for breaking the bond to myself. Instead, I came up with an even better strategy. Just because I broke the almost five day streak didn’t mean that I was going to fully relapse. After all, I’m trying to end my current addiction to the e-cig, before that I had already conquered my addiction to classic cigarettes. I hate cigarettes and I couldn’t picture myself being a half-a-pack-a-day smoker again. For the strategy, instead of harping on never having another cigarette or hits from an e-cig, I’m making myself enjoy the feeling not having it! I know today I am happy and don’t feel the need to slowly suffocate my lungs. Perhaps I will feel differently about it tomorrow, but that’s tomorrow’s problem, not today’s.
It’s a much more complicated and complex system in my head, but for now I’m glad that I don’t need nicotine to get me through the day.